10. I’m letting you go.

I met you in an unusual situation; you were funny and had great speaking skills. However, we first disliked each other until we spoke one day and continued till midnight. 

We introduced ourselves; you were Daniel and I. Well, Sophia. We introduce ourselves after hours of talk, which is funny.

When everything was dark, we decided to go to our homes and left a smile in me—that nobody could not stop; it was like finding that brother who did not have at that time.

We started phoning each other, and it was remarkable how much time we spent chatting about everything. You encouraged me in all of my choices, even the poor ones, and we were constantly laughing at anything and everyone. It wasn’t helpful, but you were yourself, someone who didn’t care about anything and, at times, nobody.

I remember one day we were on their way to our drama classes, and you confessed that you were homosexual. I told you not to worry, that you will meet someone beautiful with whom you will share a prosperous future. You weren’t so sure; it was Peru, a place where no one respected people and where neither women nor children were valued. 

You were significantly more open about your sexual orientation and more liberal. As time went and our friendship evolved, our conversations became deeper and more serious; both enjoyed discussing serious issues and politics; you understood me, and I could read your behaviour, but I didn’t want to believe what I saw repeatedly; I knew you lied so many times, but they were your traumas, and I always felt empathy for you. I’m not judging you, but I was desperate for you to tell me the truth. For over a year, I believed in you; I thought you were a young man from a wealthy family with no financial worries.

Until one day I met your parents, and the truth was that you were poor; I never cared. In that moment, I understood the reason for you not attending any friends with our mutual friends or going out with me—you always had an excuse to going out, or why you used the same clothes. You always told me that it was your favorite, but the truth was that you had no other.

You were quite clever; your lies were well deliberately planned. I believed I had a new friend, but it was actually a friend who I didn’t know well.

You always called me when I was at work, asking how I was doing, but your interest was only at the time of your need. When you were alone, when you didn’t have a boyfriend, or when you were bored. I never saw it as a problem; I always thought you were normal; you were young and me too; I was always busy with work; I never gave it too much thought. Until one day, you lied to me; I told you to come see me as I was with some of our mutual friends, and you said you were tired because of university, but when I went out with our friends and you were with individuals who were not like the friendships we had, I saw you, and you were ashamed, but I didn’t approach; instead, I felt sad.

I started to confront you slowly, but you were constantly lying, so it was hard to believe you. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. When you did tell the truth, I felt horrible because I didn’t believe you. It was hard, but I always wanted to believe you.

My Daniel, you were the only person who felt close to me, so I was unable to reject you when I was at my most fragile. Perhaps not completely, but you could understand what no one else could. For me, everything was unclear. It wasn’t your fault that I felt the way I did, but I couldn’t tell you. I was frightened to lose you. I loved you. You were my best friend. But I was wrong; you were wrong. This was not working a long time ago, and I did not want to admit it. 

I started to ignore your lies and your absence when I needed you the most. If we had any argument, you disappeared, you didn’t care, you knew someone new, and you just discarded me. It was easy, although many times you told me it wasn’t yes. But that was what you showed me. Maybe it was not your intention, but that did, again and again. The problem was me; I couldn’t let you go because I could not be myself with another person. Continue forgiving you for years and years.

Your sense of friendship was poor and very complicated. It made an impact on me. However, as the years went by, I came to understand that our level of friendship had deteriorated. I was always the one who initiated everything; you occasionally didn’t respond because you had to deal with something more important, like being with friends you never saw or were there for you when you needed them. You always lost sight of what friendship was.

I missed the times we went to different places together. We stopped to talk, enjoy coffee, and dream together.

One day we went to the center of Lima, and we did some shopping. As we were crazy when we were together, we decided to walk to our homes. Talking all the way, of stupid things or sometimes serious things, time flew.

There was an earthquake on the way home one day, and we had no idea why people had left their houses or apartments. You typically don’t feel an earthquake when you’re out on the street. We both look at one another and say, “Stop and look around.” Both of us were relaxed but we kept walking when an earthquake stopped. We were not terrified of anything.

When you gave me time, we used to do things like this every day. When you had nothing to do, I always welcomed you. But your behavior became worse. Your expectations of me were unrealistic, but your time was your own; you didn’t care about anyone else but yourself. 

When there were people who talked about you in a negative and very malicious way, I always defended you and tried the best of cleaning up any rumor against you. Even so, you did not do that for me; you wanted to listen to the rumor and have something against me. Everything was sad and sick; I didn’t know that it was like that until some of your friends told me. It was a stab, but I forgave you.

Things became worse. We fought more, and always you found an excuse, until we stopped talking. Until I began crying and begged any divine power to give me strength to let you go. In reality, I always thought of you as the brother I never had, even if I frequently believed it to be an obsession. I made the mistake of putting you in a place in my heart that you didn’t deserve.

I want to let you go today, after all these years. It has also been challenging because you will always be my brother in my heart. The difference is that I know who you are today, but you don’t know who I am now. Since our friendship has been shattered numerous times and a broken piece cannot be entirely restored, the truth is that I no longer like you. 

I let go of you today because I want to be free of your lies and false friendship.