• London, United Kingdom

1. I miss her, she misses me

With each passing day, the hours grew long and slow. I was determined to do something different in my life. In this manner, I could see a change of this misery. I know that there is hope for me to smile again, especially in this isolation. Also, the truth is most of the memories that came were painful. I prefer to remember the happy moments that I spent alone in my room full of books, the moments that I spent in the garden of my house hiding from those strange experiences that occurred.

Being away from my family in these times was difficult as well. The naivety that abounded in my life was the reason that led me to meet the wrong people in my past who, thank God, are not in my life today.

There were nights of great sadness. Having paper and a pencil in my hand was the usual thing when I was alone. I could write something simple, and nobody knew about it. I missed my wife. I remembered her look on that day I met her. That date led us to have what we had. It was the only thing that made me smile. However, she was not with me. She was far away, unable to return. Her time in New Zealand for a few days for work became months now. New Zealand shut down its boarders. Even for her. Everything was confusing for us. We could not understand how we could have been separated and forced apart for so long. Even though every day we spoke on the phone, it was not the same. I miss her. She misses me.

The remembrance of our lesbian relationship was alive. It was what gave me respite, those times of freedom that we had. We could go out and be ourselves without fear of hatred and rejection. Meeting each other at a nightclub without exchanging names was what was special about our connection. Searching for her on social media just for her hair was the best adventure I ever experienced, mostly because I found her. It was when I introduce myself through social media.

We did not even speak over the mobile phone. However, we arranged to meet. I was so nervous and insecure that I thought on several occasions that she would cancel our date. When we confirmed that the date was still standing, I immediately went to buy new clothes. I was excited. I liked her. 

Our meeting was different from any date I could have had. She was different. After a short introduction, we went to our date. It was a beautiful time, we talked about our lives, our work, our hobbies, perhaps it is one of those typical first dates that begin with caution, especially when there is a connection between the two people. Both she and I liked red wine, especially Merlot, I couldn’t deny that I enjoyed a glass of Merlot at night, but the funny thing about that first date was that we stayed with just one glass of Merlot throughout the entire evening. The wine was beautiful and exquisite. However, her company was even better. She kept me distracted not only from Merlot but from food and time.

She wanted to take me home, but I didn’t want to. I went to take the bus. She was worried because it was a little late. But I promised to text her when I got home, which I did. Upon reaching my bedroom, I called my best friend and mentioned the unforgettable evening and how beautiful my future wife was. Every day passed, I just thought about her. She texted me every day. Our whole life started like that.

Missing her was difficult and, at the same time, challenging. I had to deal with those demons from my childhood alone and think that one day everything will end. 

The news was in the background. The announcement of open borders and the end of the lockdown gave me the hope I needed. I will finally see my wife again. It was the only thing that eased my pain. Many times, when everything seemed too sad. The memory of our first date and that glass of Merlot was my motive to continue.