I have to tell you

I have to tell you that I love you, my adorable wife.

That day, my wife had an event in London, so I kissed her and dropped her off at the train station. I went to bed that night after talking with her on the phone, and I was a little afraid for no particular reason.

I woke up on May 24, 2024. I had a hospital appointment that day. That morning, I went to the hospital. There were a lot of women waiting for their turn when I got there. I believe that the fact that I was by myself caused me to feel a little afraid. I emailed my boss and a colleague while I waited for my turn. They were both really encouraging and helpful.

When the nurse called my name, “Victoria,” she smiled, and I felt a little better. When I saw the doctor, he checked me and told me I had a dimple in my breast. It caught my attention, and I was scared. They sent me for a mammogram and a scan, and I could see on the screen that there was a shadow on one of my breasts.

With a lot of worry and pain in my neck, I sat down to wait for the scan and began messaging my friend Sylvia. It was a challenging moment. I was aware of what was taking place. All I wanted was to spend time with my wife, but I was unable to give her any updates because everything was so far away at the time. It would not be fair to Jane.

When it was my turn for the scan, the doctor warned me that the mammogram didn’t look good, which made me worried and caused me to break down. They advised me that I needed to have a biopsy immediately. The nurse held my hand and asked about Jane. I told her that I couldn’t tell her anything because she wasn’t in town and she had to drive. I needed her, but neither of us noticed I had a breast lump before. After the tests, I went home.

Slowly, the hours went by, and the anxiety intensified. I called my friend Paula and explained what was going on, but nothing changed. The agony persisted. The worry would not leave. Jane was the only person on my mind, and I wasn’t sure how to begin telling her. I had prepared some words, but I couldn’t remember them, and I wasn’t sure how I would speak to Jane.

When Jane came to our lovely home, she glanced at me, and I said, “I have something to tell you.” She cried, collapsed on the ground, and said the words, “Not you, my beloved Victoria, not you.” I gave her a hug without saying anything.

We had supper together and began to cry. We went to our bedroom, where we expressed our love for one another and gave each other hugs. We fell asleep.

The next morning, Jane, her face full with sadness, told me she loved me, and I prayed it would all end soon.